she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
