weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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