Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
