Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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