FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
