i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
