I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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