If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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