who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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