He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
