i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
