i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
