ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
