I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
