mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
