hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
