i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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