Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
