Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
