I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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