Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
