glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
