You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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