dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
