the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
