i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
MIDGETS
????
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
