He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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