i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
