You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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