Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
