Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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