just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
