Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
