I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
