I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
