when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
