Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
