3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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