I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
