Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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