my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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