He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
stop calling my apartment porn island.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Randomize
