My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
