what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
