Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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