So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
