the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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