Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
