i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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