this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
