okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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