I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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