You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
