White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
